You know, I've been entirely consumed with my own life for the last year or so.  My older son has dyslexia, my husband and I both have insurance companies that refuse to cover his therapy - though said therapy is supposed to be covered,  older son's teacher is worse than useless (and has generated so many complaints - outside of my own - that her contract is not being renewed), manufacturing (the industry in which I work) has taken a significant downturn, my dad had a heart attack, my mom with osteoporosis broke her leg, I sprained an ankle so badly it may never heal correctly, apparently I have carpal tunnel.  You get the picture.  It's been a spectacularly bad year for Chez Kiosan, and I've only begun to scratch the surface.

About six months or so ago, though, I was looking forward to at least being able to vote wholeheartedly Democratic, regardless of the nominee, in the next presidential election.  I am exceedingly sad to say I don't have the luxury of that illusion anymore.

I wanted very much to be able to vote my conscience with a major candidate.  While I readily admit to preferring Clinton at the outset, I was fully prepared to vote as enthusiastically for Biden, Dodd, Richardson or Obama should any of them secure the nomination.  That was before, however, my friends to left of me - and indeed, Senator Obama himself, insisted I was either stupid, a closet racist, or both, for not supporting him from the outset.

I cannot in good conscience vote for McCain, so I started trying to invent excuses - these were the opinions of his more rabid supporters, not the opinions of the Senator from Illinois himself, I theorized.  However, I signed up for his campaign emails - woe unto me.  I finally had to write a note to Mr. Plouffe - or, more accurately, whatever low-level staffer reads the campaign's emails (yes, I know, Hillary likely employs the same) - begging that the official campaign emails leave off making Clinton, a fellow Democrat, out to be the devil incarnate.  I must say I signed on for Hillary's emails early, and I cannot recall a one that called out Senator Obama as anything less than a human opponent; most didn't even mention him.

Super Tuesday came and went, and the pro-Obama faction on the net became both more virulent and more offensive.  Clinton supporters were morphed from normal, average, centrist Democrats into baby-eating, do-anything-to-win, idiotic, self-deluded, baby-eating (noted twice because it is a favorite meme and because it is well known that eating babies causes terrible indigestion), racist, NASCAR-loving, uncultured, baby-eating (acid reflux) heathens who couldn't be counted upon to vote with any conscience, let alone one they called their own.

I have given up Kos and HuffPo and even the comments on WaPo, as subsumed as they are by partisans so proud of their own penises that cannot even imagine anyone finding satisfaction elsewhere.  I have given up most of the blogs I used to enjoy because so many of the friends to my left have abandoned all good sense in favor of a leftist cult of personality which not only rivals that of Bush II, but completely overwhelms it.  I have given up completely on the idea of a fair and balanced media presence of any sort, when even my evolution and global warming-denying parents note that it might be an outside possibility that the news media haven't really been treating candidate Clinton entirely fairly - maybe - but that pimping comment and the stuff about her knees is fair game.

I began, I admit, preferring Senator Clinton to any other Democratic candidate, but I also began willing to vote for whomever the process settled upon.  Senator Obama and his supporters have, however, relieved me of that particular burden.  I intend to vote my conscience, and it calls for neither Senator McCain (whose typical Republican yes-I-lcheated-on-my-wife-but-at-least-married-my-mistress (unlike Bill) and 100 years' war I cannot stomach), nor Senator Obama (whose ties to the Chicago machine, whose woeful lack of record, whose inability to deal with his own committee assignments, and whose intentional divisiveness I cannot stomach), and Nader is a goof. 

I am currently formulating my write in vote.  I'm not sure who it will be yet, but it won't be McCain or Obama.

And let me preempt the "well, we don't need you" tripe I've seen from the rabid Obamists - yes, as a matter of fact, you do.  You need people who care about the process and who can be relied upon to vote.  You need people who don't like Bush but who still can't be bought in mere "I'm not Bush" coin.  Obama's most viable claim to the coronation nomination is that he can bring independents into the fold.  I'm here to tell you that independents who've paid any real attention to him are frequently turned off.  I have voted Dem in all but 2-3 races, I believe in the sanctity of privacy, that all people were created equal and are endowed with certain inalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  I believe the greatest of us owe to the least of us at least a bare minimum of supprt, if only to support the society upon which we all agree.  I believe healthcare should be a right and not a priviledge; I believe the tax system is completely out of whack; I believe watching out only for your own pocketbook robs you of a certain basic humanity.

And for all I'm undeclared, this insistence that I'm either an idiot, a racist, nor both has me guessing that since *I'm* not feeling terribly united there are many who feel less magnanimous than I who feel even less "united" by one of the most fundamentally divisive candidates I've been alive to witness.

Of course, it is entirely possible that Senator Obama and his supporters will prove me wrong in the general election.  I'll grant that it is likely that Obama will take the primary with more pledged delegates, more superdelegates and higher popular count (not necessarily including Florida and Michigan, which would merit an entirely separate series of posts).  It is possible that, inspite of the constant, unrelenting name-calling, core Dems will come out for Obama no matter how much he vilifies party centrists and their supporters.  It is possible that alienating lifelong Democratic voters who have felt allegiance to policy and platform over rhetoric and rancor won't matter.  It is possible that Carly Simon will record a top 40 hit this year. 

Remote, but possible. 

Um, psst.  Wanna know where the title of this comes from?  Go here.