From Colorful Colorado, home of tourism, shiny metals and the team that used to be led by John Elway, an object lesson in zero-tolerance:

Eight-year-old Eathan Harris was originally suspended from Harris Park Elementary School for three days. Principal Chris Benisch reduced the suspension to one day after complaints from Harris' parents.

Harris used a black Sharpie marker to color a small area on the sleeve of his sweatshirt. A teacher sent him to the principal when she noticed him smelling the marker and his clothing.

"It smelled good," Harris said. "They told me that's wrong."

I think at this point we're going to have to suspend every kid in America.  I don't know of a one, from my childhood to present day, who hasn't whiffed one of those fruity magic markers, or played with glue, or observed that some art supplies smell better than others, or cut their own bangs in class (okay; the last one might've been just me).  Really.  He's eight and it's a sharpie.  I think suspension is a tad extreme here.  But wait, there's more:

In his letter suspending the child, Benisch wrote that smelling the marker fumes could cause the boy to "become intoxicated."

A toxicologist with the Rocky Mountain Poison Control Center says that claim is nearly impossible.

Dr. Eric Lavonas says non-toxic markers like Sharpies, while pungent-smelling, cannot be used to get high.

The toxicologist goes on to say that maybe, if the kid had 50 bags of sharpies, maybe he could "get creative" and figure something out.  The school was completely nonplussed by the whole science-speak thing, though:

"Principals make hundreds of decisions everyday based on our best judgment. And in that time, smelling that marker, I felt like, 'Wow, that's a very serious marker,'" Benisch said.

Despite the medical evidence, Benisch promised to draw an even clearer line on markers.

"We've purged every permanent marker there is in this building," he said.

Time well spent, I say.  Can't be too careful with those sharpies.